"I wouldn’t be much use, I don’t have my powers."
"So? I’ve never had powers."
Robert De Niro as Captain Shakespeare - Stardust (2007)
A guy is taking his girlfriend to prom. He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but eventually he gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to go get punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there’s no punchline.
Ellen has been waiting to make that joke since fob came back
I am link
And he is me
We are all Link
Sam is so proud of his big brother and at the same time he regrets that dean left that life to take care of him
lets just be clear, if you spend the time baking a cake/cookies/brownies, you can eat as many of them as you want and the calories don’t count. you made those calories. you’re their god.
Twinkle twinkle little slut
Name a guy you haven’t fucked.
Was he skinny?
Was he tall?
Nevermind you did them all.
Twinkle twinkle little bitch
Close your legs it smells like fish.
Twinkle twinkle little shit
Try to think of this a bit:
Does it affect
You at all
Who has sex or none at all?
No it doesn’t, little shit,
Shut your fucking mouth you twit.
SO I RUN FRANTICALLY INTO KROGER TO GET KETCHUP BEFORE MY MCNUGGETS GET COLD
AND AS I STAND AT THE SELF CHECK OUT WITH ONLY A JUMBO BOTTLE OF HEINZ TOMATO KETCHUP EVERYONE STARTS FUCKING LAUGHING AT ME LIKE WHAT THE HELL
THEN I REMEMBER IM WEARING THIS SHIRT
I AM SO FUCKING PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW
In heinzsight you should have checked what you were wearing.
Careful, or this joke might ketchup with you.
#the first chicks just like yeah all right lets get physically fit #the second woman is ready to slit somebody’s throat #the third guy just watched the second woman slit someone he loves throat #and the fourth guy is having explosive diarrhea and hoping to distract himself from the pain #using this level forty fist nunchuck
and at level 70 you fucking animorph into a gorilla